NEW SCIENTIFIC TEST!!! Is Making a Thanksgiving meal REALLY stressful?

I'd like to start this off by saying thank you to all the Mythbusters™ For reminding me remember that High School Science was not only fun, but can be made into one of the funnest shows on the planet and be directly applied to my daily world (MINUS THE EXPLOSIONS AND HIGH POWERED ITEM OF THE WEEK).

I'd like to also thank my Boss (well recent boss) K.A. Unger, for food blogging (ill add the Blog addy at the end of this - my blog - for you to read its A-MA-ZING!!! And for all the people that will read this... We're about to go down in history (well ok more like oblivion) in what i think is going to be possibly one of the most upsetting and enlightening experiment EVER!!

The Myth - Cooking thanksgiving (or holiday) meals is stressful.

The experiment - Cook a 14 pound turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes and gravy FROM SCRATCH and see how it affects me throughout the day physically, and mentally. I will be taking my blood pressure and noting my general feelings. Cranberry sauce, Green Bean Casserole and other assorted goodies will not be present as they are already in large lots in the fridge...

The Control - this is my FIRST EVER TURKEY, this means that everything I'm doing with said bird is new to me. Basing the taste texture and generally nom-ness of the made items against roughly EVERY thanksgiving dinner i have had...

9AM startup... Through the magic of the internet I will be fast forwarding to the actual prep and cooking and posting every 60 minutes or so on my findings. Checked Blood pressure which is at normal. As per her request, after finding out my intentions I call my mother on the phone so that she may impart her wisdom upon me. Which turns into her more or less talking about my sisters inability to park a car and how there is snow in her hair and my grandmother... After she gets off the phone the birds prepped and put into the over at 375 for 20 minutes ... after the 20 minutes the bird is covered in aluminum foil and then cooked at 325 for 20 minutes for every pound of turkey = roughly 4 and three quarter hours. Check my heart rate and BP slightly elevated due to Moms ranting. back in twenty.

10:00 - 11:00 AM Turkey baster split... umm space age plastics FTL! Using spoon... Heart rate and BP fine... Several cuss words used. Mental state is slightly annoyed... My mom has had the same old Betty Crocker turkey baster since I was like 5 and uses it every year... I buy one and I get half a use out of it... yeah I'm a bit annoyed... Off to the store maybe... Still using a spoon. Can't see trying to use anything else at this point a long cooking spoon seems to be doing the job... a little concerned that my aluminum foil cover is not right... all that can happen is that ill have to use more gravy on the turkey... right???

11:00 AM- 12:00 PM The Familiar scent of turkey is now wafting through the house and is every bit as intoxicating as it was last week... Turkey seems to be cooking well Aluminum seems to be doing its thing and as a whole I feel very good about it all. Stuffing and mashed potatoes are going to be easy on a level which i cannot even describe! the turkey gravy will also be an easy thing to do... heart rate still low, mental state now mellow again, cats are chasing one another around. I'm running some quests in WoW... I'd have to say.. completely stress free... FYI i am cooking this and there will be other people tasting it... however I'm not too stressed about that either... Life seems relatively good! The stress theory or Hard time theory seems to be wearing thin...

12:00 - 1:00 PM Adding pic from 12:30 Basting Dear Lord... I know why mom was the way she was! You can use this turkey making thing like a super power!!! (please note the scientist in me wanted to take pics of all the steps... the procrastinator in me forgot to charge the camera battery...) Doesn't this just look freakin' amazing?!?!?! Even the Kitten is giving me the "look".

So yes some of you are seeing the "dark meat"areas starting to "pull" that's ok though, this will most likely end up sandwich meat and the other side looks fine... this is a NON touched up pic! Love how the steam is just coming off the turkey YUM! Heart rate a little accelerated...Due to the awesome turkey before me... That wing annoys me... it will be the first thing I engulf when said turkey is done... just for splitting like it did!






12:00 - 2:00PM not too much happened in this time frame so I compiled it...
Basting as normal, no chnage in heart rate or stress level.

2:00 - 3:00 Turkey is done!!!
I start to remove it and the breast literally separated from the bird... Pulse jumped a but, not to fear! Thge Breat removed i was able to basically remove the thighs the legs and all the rest of the mean into easy Light of dark meat :) so no pic of the bird in its current render... However i can tell you after tasting thei meat and also sampling some to the roommate it was clear that tonight will be amazing and that tomorrow will start yet another bout of Triptephen buzzes... Damn I'm good!!!

Thanks again To My Mom for sticking in there with me!!!

FINAL analysis -
Dinner is made and people will be enjoying it later. On the whole, this has taught me a lot, but if anything I feel less stressed now on the other side heart rate still relatively the same and aside from a baster failure... Life is good... Dishes and cooking utinsels are cleaned - I'm gonna have to call this myth busted!

So Moms, be warned... We know now SCIENTIFICALLY that your cooking is not stressful unless you make is stressful ;) but we still love when you cook and fuss!!! Thanks again Moms for all the awesome Thanksgivings we Love you... But we know now :)

Not Oompa Loompa - Lumpia Shanghai!

So i'm at work being a diligent employee... *tap tap tap on the shoulder*- I turn around to see my bosses boss... The only statement "where the phuq is my lumpia?!?!". Now you have to understand something... My bosses boss isn't some enigmatic stuffed shirt blow hard with little to no clue of what its like to be me. Not to long ago he got on the floor and knocked shit out mike tysons' punchout style, so hes still got it - not to mention hes probably the only boss in the world id follow on a request into fire because he merely asked. In short the man wants lumpia - simple and fair request - he gets lumpia.

Lumpia is something that you make in a batch for a small family and im making it for work. My boss is one person, there are 11 people on my team plus my boss - so 13 people. then there's the second later shift team. so possibly 25 mouths will be wrapped around my lumpia at some point. *** THAT WAS A JOKE you PLEBIAN!!!!***

A lumpia to me is what would happen if an egroll and taquito got it on in the back of a '72 Nova and had a kid. more directly think a longer skinny eggoll with mostly meat and spices, you get the idea. so it takes afew to get you "Full"...

With that in mind, im making as many as i can:
The issue? prep for this is like something from "behind the scenes of Iron Chef"
today ill get to hitting several stores in preparation for this "Event"
Let me break this down ;)

Ill need:
100 lumpia wrappers
afew pounds of various meats
spices
oil
eggs
other various stuff
and some time.

The Breakdown
make all the lumpia tonight (granted the whole week is OT)
get up early and cook it tomorrow morning BEFORE work...

Then head into work with said morsels and hope for the best.
Now what can go wrong? This is my first solo project with lumpia.
So im a little nervous about it :) should be ok though.

*bonus notes
Plebian - 1533 (n.), 1566 (adj.), from L. plebius "of the common people," from plebes "the common people" (as opposed to patricians, etc.), perhaps from PIE base *ple- "to be full" (see plenary). Slang shortening pleb is attested from 1865 (see plebe).
* so i called you a snowflake HEHEHE

Stay Tuned - for the actually lumpia factory!

Signed,
The Supreme Commander of Paraguay

Disclaimers.

So,
This is the first Blog of probably very few in the long line of Random Acts of Dan Series. That being said lets get a few things out of the way:

1. No animals were hurt in the making of this Blog - If they were they probably deserved it!

2. If the facts aren't right - I'm ignorant - I can admit it, why can't you?

3. Spelling, punctuation, grammar, and syntax are and can be replaced by my own at any time without notice for any reason without notice - If i decide to use my own words and you can't decipher them. Well, perhaps all those years as a military code breaker WEREN'T worth it after
all - chances are you've made worse mistakes ;)

4. If you can't laugh you need to leave now - if you can't take a joke - find witless humor not to your liking, or run ons for no good reason - again leave now!

5. Nothing in this blog will be politically, socially, societally, religiously, or mentally correct - any appearance that it is is strictly coincidental and completely unintended.

6. this line left intentionally blank.

Why am I here?
Simply put, This is an experiment... I was told by a friend I should be a comedian, or that I was funny, or maybe that I smell funny, and people laugh behind by back... ENOUGH! back to the point! In any case I find myself with an extreme amount of time in some cases and decided this may be a healthy way to express myself and also bone up on my typing... which is dreadful! In either case here we are you, me, and the dull glow of the monitor, and the hum of your PC fans and the downloading bar of Pr0nz... wait, strike that. in any case the experiment. hopefully there will be some chuckles, maybe there will be some tears, and maybe ill rant about some keyboard flexing half-wit who wants to gripe about my baseless boring and seriously horrible blog... Jokes on you! You ACTUALLY READ IT !

What's next?
Well over the course of the next few weeks ill be letting you into the mind of an less than average, socially inarticulate, uncomfortable, thirty somethings life... You may laugh. You may call the cops and have them watch me. And just hopefully you'll find out something about me. stay tuned.

Signed,
The King of Sweden.